Financial stress can come from many sources, but one of the most difficult is when one spouse is a spender and the other a saver. We come into marriage with attitudes toward money deeply engrained in our psyche, and they're not easily changed. But don't despair -- if you find yourself engaged in a struggle with a spouse who is your opposite when it comes to saving and spending, there are steps you can take to achieve balance and harmony.

1. Agree to be a team. You got married to spend your lives together, so it shouldn't be difficult to start with this understanding, even if it may seem hard to reconcile with your money behavior. To be a team, you have to act like a team, and that starts by giving up individual possessiveness about money: there should be no "your money" and "my money." It needs to be "our money."

2. Agree on your goals. Start your teamwork by articulating your long-term goals: they're the most important and the easiest to agree upon. Long-term goals might include living the lifestyle you want in retirement and educating your children. Be sure to be specific. A goal isn't a dream, like "a comfortable retirement" or "a good school for the kids." Articulating specific long-term goals involves knowing how much those dreams are going to cost and precisely when they will occur. You need dates and dollar figures.

Once you've reached an agreement on your long-term goals, try to set the same kind of specific plans for your intermediate- and short-term goals, like your next vacation and your savings and retirement account balances for the end of the year.

3. Practice full disclosure. Being a team means each of you is empowered to act on behalf of the other with implicit approval. That requires that each of you have full command of the facts: how much money you make, how much you owe, and how much you spend. Share the balances in any individual accounts you may hold, like checking and credit cards. You need to be completely honest with each other, even if you make a mistake now and then.

4. Budget and pay bills together. Create a monthly budget (spreadsheets are ideal for this) that compares the total of your bills and expected out-of-pocket expenses with every penny of incoming and available cash. Include an itemized list of your debts and scheduled payment amounts, as well as your asset accounts and their balances.

Thoroughness is a key determinant of your success, so don't overlook anything, especially significant one-time expenses like gifts or big nights out. Create a catch-all category of out-of-pocket expenses called "miscellaneous" for the little things you might forget -- or those that are small and hard to pin down.

Pay your bills at the same time at the same place, and then update your budget spreadsheet as you do. This means revisiting your monthly budget at least once a month. Print out two copies and keep them somewhere you can each easily glance at whenever the need arises.

5. Update your checkbook(s). One way spenders rationalize their behavior is by keeping themselves in the dark -- unaware -- of how much they really have to spend. If you're going to be faithful to the budgeting process in Step 4, you have to keep careful track of your cash on hand, and that means being sure your checkbook entries are up to date.

6. Agree on spending rules. You and your spouse need to agree on how much you can spend on purchases without consulting the other. Beyond this preset amount, you should talk about the purchase in advance and adjust your budget spreadsheet accordingly.

7. Create a financial plan. Everybody should have a professionally prepared plan, but for couples with polarized spending and saving habits, it's especially important. Apart from the fact that a professional can provide the expertise and tools you may lack, he/she will serve as an impartial third party to help you defuse your money debates.